The Eye Roll Diaries

As parents we strive to teach our children the difference between right and wrong throughout their lifetime.  We share our beliefs and moral compass with our kids and hope and pray they listen and make good choices.

In my humble opinion, I believe most of what our kids learn and the things that really stick are the examples we as parents set for them.  As they grow and mature into teenagers and young adults they watch and listen (even when we think they don’t) to the things we say and do, how we treat others and how we respond to a bevy of situations both good and bad.  Lord knows I am a person and parent filled with flaws.  I am in a constant state of growth, change and learning how to be a better me and a better mom.

There are certain things I hope I have taught or am teaching my children by example.  It is those things I’d like to share with you today some of which I, myself, am still in the process of learning.  This list is in no way all-encompassing and could go on forever, but for time and space sake I’ll keep it relatively short.

What I hope I am teaching my children:

• Kindness
• Compassion
• Empathy
• Honesty
• Open-mindedness
• Not to judge others
• To help those in need
• The ability to recognize and admit when they are wrong
• To apologize when they need to and mean it sincerely
• Strength
• Perseverance
• Respect for themselves and others
• The importance of hard work
• To realize that they are not perfect and that it’s okay
• To learn from their mistakes
• For every decision there is a consequence; good or bad
• How to love
• How to be loved
• Not to be fearful (something I am working on)
• To take chances (again, I’m working on this one)
• To laugh, have fun and enjoy life (something I need to remind myself of daily)
• Responsibility
• Faith
• The importance and value of family and friendships

I would love to hear your thoughts and the items you would put on your list.

The sweetest mom lives across the street from me. Her kids are younger than mine, and watching her kids growing up has always helped me remember when mine were that age.  The reverse of that is she has had a birds-eye view of what’s coming right around the corner for her. It’s a wonder she even lets me talk about my life and my teens.

When my neighbor’s daughter was a sweet one year old, she was dressed in the most precious little girl clothes, all bows& smocked dresses! While her daughter looked like a model for a children’s boutique, my daughter was wearing everything in leopard print! I could see her thoughts across her face, ” Why would she let her daughter dress that way?” She never said it. I had to show her my daughter’s pictures to prove that I, too had dressed my daughter in similar attire for her to believe me! A few years later, her daughter began to refuse the beautiful girly clothes to opt instead for anything with a horse on it! Yes, I pull that one out for a smile when I need to!

When her kids started school,  her carpool friends would get together for “Friends Friday”. She was so kind to include me and to invite me to come over for a glass of wine.  On more than one occasion,  I’m afraid that I  shared too much with them. During this time in my children’s lives, we were beginning to hear the rumors of middle school stuff. I was scared to death of the unknown. I should have kept my mouth shut. They were living the dream…little people with little problems. “Susie was mean to me today”, “Joey didn’t make the baseball team”, “I’ve got to finish my room mom emails”.

I’ve since personally experienced some of those dreadful rumors  that I heard that made me so anxious, either with my children or their friends. The fear of the unknown is terrible. The reality isn’t much better. I have been in the scary woods of parenting teens, experienced dangerous bullying, counseled my kids against drinking, drugs, and  promiscuity. These days when I get a chance to visit on Friends Friday, I try to listen more and offer advice only when asked. I try to offer advice with an open hand, not throw it like a baseball. I imagine myself a bit of an older sister to these moms. Some of them are about my age, but just beginning to get their toes wet in the parenting teens stage of life. I don’t want to scare them, just maybe guide them through. I’ve told many teens that they can call me if they find themselves in need of a ride, or a chat. I hope these ladies will call me if they need help too!

I had a couple of  mentors who were just a little ahead of me on the momma journey and I’m still thankful for their advice. I still run my anxieties by them even now.It is important to have someone walk with you down life’s path. Someone to throw questions to and know that they will keep it confidential. I hope I can pay it forward. One of the girls has asked me to help her with Twitter! She’s even bringing the wine. She said she loves my blog, Hippie Chick Chronicles. I told her she might want to stay away from the Eye Roll Diaries. She said it was too late and she needs advice. Are your kids teens, tweens? Do you have a mentor as a mom? Do you mentor someone else?

There is no research study (yet) but I am pretty convinced after talking to my mom friends that A.D.D. is contagious and I have caught it from my teens.  I totally take the blame for their fair skin, love of all things carb and penchant for spontaneous dancing at home, but finally I realize that this family thing is a two way street.   I am a planner and a list maker by nature, so multi-tasking is pretty familiar territory.  However my attention issues have surfaced over the past few years as the schedules, necessities and chauffeuring duties have piled on.  I can often be heard wailing in the mornings, “God never intended me to have to be a brain to more than one person at a time!!”  This generally elicits an eye roll from my sons and a yawn from the dog.

Strategies have been implemented rather unsuccessfully.  I have become addicted to sticky notes I write to myself so I don’t forget things.  But then I lose said sticky note and about 20 minutes looking for them.  I also send myself text, email and voicemail messages so I remember what I cannot forget to do, but it is often done so quickly that I use short hand and have no idea what it means when I actually read or listen to the message.  I now have an affinity for my child when he forgets to write down his homework or find one of his shoes 10 minutes before the bus comes, but I still get annoyed at him.  Maybe God is just giving me a little insight.  My older mom friends have warned me that once menopause hits, your brain becomes as flabby as the rest of you.  Oh goodie!!  So until I become happily confused (fingers crossed!), please be kind enough not to laugh when I ask you if you have seen my glasses and they are sitting right on top of my head.

How about you?  What strategies have worked to keep you sane as a mom? Wine has been strongly suggested for many years by my own mother.  She is a wise woman.