In my humble opinion, I believe most of what our kids learn and the things that really stick are the examples we as parents set for them.  As they grow and mature into teenagers and young adults they watch and listen (even when we think they don’t) to the things we say and do, how we treat others and how we respond to a bevy of situations both good and bad.  Lord knows I am a person and parent filled with flaws.  I am in a constant state of growth, change and learning how to be a better me and a better mom.

There are certain things I hope I have taught or am teaching my children by example.  It is those things I’d like to share with you today some of which I, myself, am still in the process of learning.  This list is in no way all-encompassing and could go on forever, but for time and space sake I’ll keep it relatively short.

What I hope I am teaching my children:

• Kindness
• Compassion
• Empathy
• Honesty
• Open-mindedness
• Not to judge others
• To help those in need
• The ability to recognize and admit when they are wrong
• To apologize when they need to and mean it sincerely
• Strength
• Perseverance
• Respect for themselves and others
• The importance of hard work
• To realize that they are not perfect and that it’s okay
• To learn from their mistakes
• For every decision there is a consequence; good or bad
• How to love
• How to be loved
• Not to be fearful (something I am working on)
• To take chances (again, I’m working on this one)
• To laugh, have fun and enjoy life (something I need to remind myself of daily)
• Responsibility
• Faith
• The importance and value of family and friendships

I would love to hear your thoughts and the items you would put on your list.

When my neighbor’s daughter was a sweet one year old, she was dressed in the most precious little girl clothes, all bows& smocked dresses! While her daughter looked like a model for a children’s boutique, my daughter was wearing everything in leopard print! I could see her thoughts across her face, ” Why would she let her daughter dress that way?” She never said it. I had to show her my daughter’s pictures to prove that I, too had dressed my daughter in similar attire for her to believe me! A few years later, her daughter began to refuse the beautiful girly clothes to opt instead for anything with a horse on it! Yes, I pull that one out for a smile when I need to!

When her kids started school,  her carpool friends would get together for “Friends Friday”. She was so kind to include me and to invite me to come over for a glass of wine.  On more than one occasion,  I’m afraid that I  shared too much with them. During this time in my children’s lives, we were beginning to hear the rumors of middle school stuff. I was scared to death of the unknown. I should have kept my mouth shut. They were living the dream…little people with little problems. “Susie was mean to me today”, “Joey didn’t make the baseball team”, “I’ve got to finish my room mom emails”.

I’ve since personally experienced some of those dreadful rumors  that I heard that made me so anxious, either with my children or their friends. The fear of the unknown is terrible. The reality isn’t much better. I have been in the scary woods of parenting teens, experienced dangerous bullying, counseled my kids against drinking, drugs, and  promiscuity. These days when I get a chance to visit on Friends Friday, I try to listen more and offer advice only when asked. I try to offer advice with an open hand, not throw it like a baseball. I imagine myself a bit of an older sister to these moms. Some of them are about my age, but just beginning to get their toes wet in the parenting teens stage of life. I don’t want to scare them, just maybe guide them through. I’ve told many teens that they can call me if they find themselves in need of a ride, or a chat. I hope these ladies will call me if they need help too!

I had a couple of  mentors who were just a little ahead of me on the momma journey and I’m still thankful for their advice. I still run my anxieties by them even now.It is important to have someone walk with you down life’s path. Someone to throw questions to and know that they will keep it confidential. I hope I can pay it forward. One of the girls has asked me to help her with Twitter! She’s even bringing the wine. She said she loves my blog, Hippie Chick Chronicles. I told her she might want to stay away from the Eye Roll Diaries. She said it was too late and she needs advice. Are your kids teens, tweens? Do you have a mentor as a mom? Do you mentor someone else?

Strategies have been implemented rather unsuccessfully.  I have become addicted to sticky notes I write to myself so I don’t forget things.  But then I lose said sticky note and about 20 minutes looking for them.  I also send myself text, email and voicemail messages so I remember what I cannot forget to do, but it is often done so quickly that I use short hand and have no idea what it means when I actually read or listen to the message.  I now have an affinity for my child when he forgets to write down his homework or find one of his shoes 10 minutes before the bus comes, but I still get annoyed at him.  Maybe God is just giving me a little insight.  My older mom friends have warned me that once menopause hits, your brain becomes as flabby as the rest of you.  Oh goodie!!  So until I become happily confused (fingers crossed!), please be kind enough not to laugh when I ask you if you have seen my glasses and they are sitting right on top of my head.

How about you?  What strategies have worked to keep you sane as a mom? Wine has been strongly suggested for many years by my own mother.  She is a wise woman.

The sibling relationship is a complex one, a love/hate dance of sorts.  On one hand siblings seem to derive great pleasure from fighting and annoying one other while on the other they are the first to defend their siblings against outsiders. 

My siblings and I danced the dance when we were young and even now we enjoy some light-hearted teasing, but they know I love them and have their backs.  It’s no different with my children.  They dance the dance with expert timing as I recently discovered while trying to find a solution to the daily question of “Mom, what’s for dinner?”  

When I answer this question, I feel like a waitress explaining dinner specials to non-tipping patrons.  Thinking I could do away with my children’s need to ask this question every single day, I purchased several packages of alphabet magnets to post the daily dinner menu on the front of our refrigerator.  The magnets seemed like a brilliant idea and my children were excited about them as well.  What I didn’t realize at the time was their excitement was due to the sinister plans they had in mind for the magnets’ use.    

The magnet mayhem began with my kids taunting one another by posting magnetic messages on the fridge for their siblings to see.  Once seen by the intended target, the target retaliated by posting their own message.  Back and forth it continued despite my repeated warnings to knock it off.  My youngest child was on the receiving end of these messages more often than not, so one evening I wrote “I love you N. – Mom” with the magnets knowing he would find it the next morning.  I was right.

My son came to me the following morning asking who wrote the message.  I smiled and told him I did feeling certain I would get a big hug.  Instead, I got a terse “Why would you write that, mom?!”  Puzzled, I followed him into the kitchen where I saw someone had replaced my message of love with “We hate you N. – Mom and Dad.” 

After assuring my son that was not what I had written, I rounded up his siblings to find out who did.  Since no one would admit guilt, I proceeded to give a speech on how the magnets were to be used for good not evil, which was met with snarky laughter and a lot of eye-rolling.

I’m amazed at the lengths and creativity siblings will go to in order to keep the sibling dance alive.  Who would have thought magnets could be used to create a new melody for this dance?  Honestly, all I wanted was to spell out the dinner menu!

It seems it was just yesterday that I was reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar to her. I remember very well that she mispronounced it at “Calipitter”. We would have never dreamed of correcting the mistake. In fact, we were sad when she changed the pronunciation all by herself.  I just love the ways little children mispronounce common words. My daughter used to say “bucep” for except. Love it! Once when my son was spending the day with my in-laws, they took him to Costco. He was all settled in the back seat in his car seat and began asking for “nu-nidg”. I bet you can’t get that one! He wanted the music turned on! Well, Grandma and Grandpa didn’t get that one until they asked  me later! Another of my son’s was “bee-0ohs” and “aw-bee-oohs”. This would be blue berries and strawberries! Oh, the good old days of me letting them mispronounce words. These days, they like to point out anything and everything that is weird that I do. What they don’t understand about my weirdness is that I embrace it!

I lent some baby clothes to a girl friend. She returned them this week. Did you remember that I just said my daughter is a teenager? What am I supposed to do with baby clothes? My daughter took each precious little outfit out to look at. She kept asking, “Do you remember this one?” I remembered seeing my chubby baby girl wearing each and every one of them. I remembered how she smelled, how she felt and how I felt. Of course, the next question was “Can I drive”? So, I have two teens driving and I’ll be dropping off some baby clothes at some lucky charity this week. I’m happy for that trip down memory lane. I may let the teen girl drive us to drop off the clothes!

I thought it was a fluke at first, but then I started paying attention.  I have acquired a super power of sorts, and it mysteriously happened at Target (twice), Costco, and Home Depot too.  I apparently have the uncanny power to repel hundred dollar bills.  They literally fly out of my wallet and into various retail sites!   I have several friends with this same affliction and none of us can understand how we can walk into a store with a list that only has 3 items, including shampoo, dog food and a pair of pantyhose, and walk out missing a hundred bucks every time.

Don’t tell me I need to budget better or make a list and stick to it.  I am no newbie at this game folks.  In fact, I have actually become one of those annoying people who clog the aisles (at least I park on the side instead of the middle) while I sort for the 2 for 1 coupon as I work up a bead of sweat and a permanent worry line on my forehead comparing prices among brands.  I am now the person I always wanted to ram with my cart, but that doesn’t explain the phenomena of the money repellent.  And then it hit me.

The kids have been coming with me on these trips.  Oh the pieces are all coming together now!  The three item list morphs into Bugles and Otter Pops and Pizza, oh my!   I am constantly worn down by the whining for new whatevers and the tag teaming for snacks, and figure it is some type of bloodless torture thought up by teenagers to turn their mothers into mindless,debit card wielding blobs.  I for one, will no longer be drinking the kool aid and the kids will not be joining me on anymore shopping adventures until I can find my zen and keep those little buggers out of my head and my wallet!  I found a great therapist to help me do this and when I called for an appointment, she told me she only takes cash and it’s a hundred dollars per session.  Damn.

I can see the next phase down the road. The one where they only come home for visits. As Scarlet is famous for saying” Tomorrow is another day”. I just can’t imagine when my daily family life changes little by little to be less busy, to cook for one fewer at a time. I hear they come around and want the parental advice a little more as they get older. That’s fine. I just wonder how my hubs and I will handle the adjustment..

I heard someone say once,” we aren’t raising kids or teenagers, we are raising people”. What a tremendous responsibility we took on all those years ago. What a tremendous honor God gave us to love, nurture, and teach his little ones. You see, these beautiful beings were His long before they were ours. We just have to do the best we can. What crossroads have you been through with your family? Do you have any advice for me? Please…?

When we do catch our teens in a rare talkative mood it sometimes seems they are speaking in a foreign tongue and they are.  It’s the language of teenagers and unless you happen to be an ultra-hip-in-the- know parent such as me (ha) it can be difficult to understand.

As a hip momma, I try to keep up with what’s going on in the teen world as best I can.  I’ve been known, with the help of my friend Google, to look up text/instant messaging shorthand, teen slang and code names for drugs and paraphernalia (it’s so nice to have Google on my side).  I have even gone so far as to take an on-line quiz to see how well I understand teen talk.  I am uber-excited to tell you I answered every question correctly and earned the title of “Coolest Mom Ever – Down with my Teen’s lingo.”  Yeah, that’s right, coolest mom ever!

Since I have the title I figured why let it go to waste when I can share some of my teen knowledge with you.  That’s not to say, of course, that you aren’t down with your teen’s logo; it just means I am and I want to share.  If you’re hip like me maybe you can just pass this along to some poor parent who is shaking their head trying to figure out what their teens are talking about.  Remember…it takes a village.

I have comprised these handy charts that you can cut out and carry with you so when you are talking with your teenagers and/or their friends you can fit right into the conversation without missing a beat (your teens will love you for it).  If you want you can make copies and pass them out to your friends/family.  If your teen says something that’s not on the list just let me know and I’ll explain the meaning in the coolest mom way ever, ‘cause I’m down wit’ it, yo!

SLANG:

 Text/Instant Messaging Shorthand

What about you?  Are you down with your teen’s lingo or have a word/shorthand to add to the list?  Cool parents everywhere want to know.

I put the laundry down to grab the trash and onto the floor flopped Tara Reid.  Well not her exactly, but the issue of Playboy where she was the cover bunny.  I jumped back and screamed like it was a rabid bat and poked it with my foot.  I was freaked out completely as no mom ever wants to think of her little boy “reading” Playboy.  Maybe it was just for the articles like his dad used to tell me?  Uh, yeah right.

After I stopped hyperventilating, I counseled some other moms of teenage boys.  My friend Amber had the best advice (which I took).  “Throw it out!!  I promise he will never ask his mom if she has seen his Playboy!” she laughed.  I smiled weakly and congratulated her on her brilliance.  I get that it’s a normal curiosity, but I would hate that my boy/man would start to think that Playboy represented real women.  As my friend Kathie’s husband Rob told their boys, “This isn’t real so don’t expect your wife to walk around the house wearing only stilettos and pearls.  It’s not going to happen.”

This was one of those moments that it sucks to be a  mom, kind of like when I had to take my son to buy a cup at Sports Authority-something gets lost in translation.  I want to address the whole porn issue with him, and I will, but he needs to hear it from men he respects too.  I want him to have a healthy point of view of women, not some fantastical sexualized version of  Bunny Barbie that he carries into adulthood.   His wife can thank me later.

How have you handled situations like this?

This poor dad was reacting( even if it was poorly) to his feelings of helplessness. I know that feeling all too well. Since my kids are teenagers, so are their friends. My friends and I vent/share about our helplessness in dealing with the teen’s attitudes. While my parenting skills are far from perfect, this one seems logical. If you are gonna be mean to your momma, don’t come begging for a ride. Don’t ask for money for the weekend. When my kids were little, I tried to make their punishments fit the crime. Logical consequences. The same still holds true , maybe more, now that they are teens. My kids may think that I stay awake at night trying to find ways to make their lives difficult with my punishments. They couldn’t be more wrong. While I may be awake at night, it is usually because I am praying for answers to my parenting conundrums. The Lord has provided me with some pretty great punishments…I have delayed the privilege of getting a driver’s permit, purposely made them late for social outings, denied the privilege of a party, taken keys away to name a few. I’m not afraid to let my children stay at home and be bored.

My Daddy has great advice about a great many things. He says, “It is easier to kill a snake when it is a baby”. Nip that bad stuff in the bud. If you choose to let “Susie Jo” sass her mouth off to you, and don’t make her think about it while sitting at home and being a little bored, well…”That ain’t my baby to spank”. You will get to deal with that for a long time. It’s also easier to see poor parenting when you aren’t looking at it in the mirror…or on YouTube.